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Had a relatively occupied day, occupied yes because I spent most of it away from the gloomy hostel. Yet somehow the outings seem to become less and less appealing everyday! Makes me wonder if it really is that easy to merely kill all your time loitering around doing fruitless things hoping to find happiness in them. Today, more than ever I felt the longing, the yearning for a companion which nothing else seems to satiate. Someone who just understands you no matter what, trusts you and gives you that slight nudge telling you that things will be better however meek the prospects look as of now. Loneliness isn’t something I can get accustomed to, but yes it is a lot like choosing the lesser of the two evils: being alone than being with people with who you need to project images, portray congeniality or put up pretences for the sole purpose of fitting in. It consistently happens, no matter how much you’d love to believe otherwise, that there is a certain image that people have in their mind about you and one that they intend to adhere to no matter how off the mark it might be. One that they’ve built up based on their perceptions of you, or more so on their preconceived notions and projections.  Somehow they get lost trying to superimpose that with what you really are. Sets me thinking as to who I really am. Is there some element of truth in their beliefs and I’m choosing to dismiss it as irrelevant picking for fear of living a deluded life is one that i cannot bear;  or are they too caught up with their ideas of interpreting people and refuse to cut you any slack or give you the benefit of doubt despite the fact that you have proven them wrong on more accounts than one on how really off the mark their estimates of you are? People just seem to be beyond my scope of understanding. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes it amuses me, but most of the times I’ve just learnt to deal with it using my best weapon: indifference. Miraculously it has worked so far, and hopefully will continue to in the near and distant future! Still, the nagging hope of finding the kind of people you’ve always envisioned persistently lingers. Maybe, someday…Till then I guess you just ought to learn to make do with what you’ve got.


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